A Little Bit of Holiday Magic Page 15

  Bill smiled. “Not silly. Sweet.”

  Don’t go.

  The words reverberated through her, so loudly she thought she’d spoken them.

  But Bill remained smiling. Not his charming come-hither grin, or the you-know-you-want-me smile. This one was warm and sincere and affectionate. He’d looked this way at Liam, but never her. Not until now.

  Grace liked that very much. She wanted to throw herself against his chest, have him wrap his strong arms around her and tell her everything would be okay.

  What was going on?

  Having a husband who’d deployed and trained for months at a time had taught her to be independent. Not always easy, especially as a newlywed and then a new mother, but she’d managed on her own. She’d had no choice after Damon died.

  But to be feeling this way with Bill...

  Her snow globe world tilted. Everything was shaken up. Turned upside down. Flooded by emotion and unshed tears.

  Uh-oh. Maybe Grace had fallen for Bill a little. That would explain her worry, right?

  He tapped his finger on her forehead. “Tell me what’s going on inside here.”

  Heat rose to her cheeks. “Nothing.”

  “Come on.”

  “It’s just... Watching you get ready...” Grace chewed the inside of her lip. “I didn’t know when Damon was going into danger. I never knew how he prepared for a patrol or what he was thinking when he headed out. He never talked about the details, what he saw or what he did. And I couldn’t ask.”

  “You can ask me anything. Anytime.”

  She looked down. “I don’t want to distract you. I’m sorry if I have.”

  “Hey, don’t be sorry. I asked about you because I wanted to know.”

  “Damon rarely asked. If he did, he didn’t press when I wouldn’t answer.” She rubbed her neck, thinking about their long-distance conversations. She’d been thankful for each minute. “I never wanted him to be distracted. I wanted to make sure he came back. But he...didn’t.”

  Bill cupped her face with his callused palm. He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I’m coming back, Gracie.”

  Her worry didn’t disappear, but his confidence eased some concerns. “You better.”

  His hand was on her face, a half smile on his. “Trust me.”

  Grace had trusted him more than she’d trusted anyone else in the past two and a half years. She swallowed. “I do.”

  His gaze lingered on her, as intimate as a caress. He lowered his mouth and kissed her softly, a kiss full of affection and promise. He lowered his hand and stepped back. “I know you haven’t given me your decision, but I couldn’t help myself.”

  She mustered every ounce of strength not to touch her lips. “Take care and stay safe.”

  “Always.” His smile deepened. He kissed her forehead, then slung his pack onto his back. “See you soon, Gracie.”

  He walked out. A few moments later, he backed his pickup out of the garage.

  Touching her lips, Grace watched him drive away. The truck’s taillights grew smaller until they disappeared into the snow-filled air. An icky, helpless feeling threatened to swamp her. She rubbed her arms, trying to chase away another chill.

  It’ll be okay, babe.

  Grace sure hoped so, because everything felt wrong.

  “Watch out for him, Damon. Please, watch out for him.”

  * * *

  Inside Wy’East Day Lodge, the air buzzed with anticipation. Bill sat with Rescue Team 2 leader Sean Hughes and unit members Jake Porter and Tim Moreno at one of the long, cafeteria-style tables. Following the briefing with Sheriff Deputy Will Townsend, the four had been assigned on a team together. Like old times. Like when they went looking for...

  Nick and Iain.

  Bill downed the rest of his coffee. The liquid tasted like lukewarm sludge. He’d rather have a cup of the French roast Grace had brewed this morning.

  Grace.

  The thought of her brought a smile to his face. He hoped she wasn’t still worrying about him.

  I’m coming back, Gracie.

  Damn straight he was. He had to make sure Liam got his white Christmas. Bill wanted to make sure Grace was...okay. And a few more kisses wouldn’t suck.

  Sean Hughes held a printout with the weather report. “Any questions on what we’re doing?”

  “Ride the snowcat, climb up, locate the two yahoos—I mean subjects—who failed to mark way points on their GPS going up to the summit, so now can’t find their way down in a whiteout, then bring them back,” Moreno said. “Pretty clear-cut to me.”

  Bill gave Moreno a nod of approval. “You should be the one giving the briefings.”

  Porter picked up his cup. “Seems like building some sort of shelter to block the wind would be prudent. Are we certain the two subjects haven’t moved?”

  Sean glanced up from the weather report. “According to tweets, the subjects have not moved.”

  “Tweets?” Bill stared, dumbfounded. “The dudes are on Twitter, talking about being lost in a whiteout and wasting their cell phone batteries?”

  “Yes, but remember they’re stuck, not lost,” Sean corrected. “We have the GPS coordinates of their location.”

  Moreno swore. “Too bad we can’t let the Twitterverse talk them down.”

  “Not an option.” Hughes pressed his lips together, not even a hint of a smile peeking through. The snowboard mogul had his game face on during rescues, but he was a casual kind of guy, who liked nothing better than to kick back with Zoe. “All we need is for them to fall.”

  Bill inhaled deeply. “Then it’s up to us.”

  Porter nodded. “Let’s get them down so we can go home to our lovely ladies.”

  An image of Grace, her hesitant smile and her concerned eyes, popped into Bill’s head. He couldn’t wait to get back home to her, show her everything was okay.

  Moreno snickered. “Bill gets to go home to his mom.”

  Bill grimaced. “You’re such a comic, Moreno.”

  “With you around, it’s easy.”

  Sean glanced at the clock on the wall. He grabbed his pack and helmet. “Time to catch our ride.”

  Gathering his gear, Bill remembered how Grace had watched him get ready. Usually he had no problem pushing everything from his mind except the mission.

  Not today.

  He had always assumed his dad forgot about his family completely when he was away working. But maybe he’d thought about Bill and his mom back home.

  Bill couldn’t stop thinking about Grace. Her sweet smile, her nurturing heart, her hot kisses. She’d been worried about him, not wanting to distract him, yet curious about what he was doing. An adorable contrast.

  He followed the others out of the cafeteria. “Do you tell your wives about our missions?”

  Sean glanced back. “Zoe’s an associate member, so she knows what we do. But she found some photos I’d taken of a body recovery....”

  Porter made a face. “Not good.”

  “I told her morning sickness made her throw up, not the pictures.” Hughes stopped by the door. The snowcat wasn’t there yet. “She didn’t buy it.”

  “Smart woman,” Bill said.

  Moreno toyed with his gloves. “I’d love to tell Rita what we do, but she doesn’t want to know anything except when I’ll be calling it quits.”

  Bill shook his head. “Harsh.”

  “Yeah,” Tim admitted. “But I love her. One of these days she’ll drop the hammer and force the issue. I’ll have to quit going out in the field, and plant myself at base operations.”

  Bill’s mouth gaped. “Dude.”

  “Hey, she’s my wife. Not much else I can do if she draws the line.”

  Grace would be different. She’d been marrie
d to an Army Ranger, a job way more dangerous than anything Bill did with OMSAR or the fire department. She probably wouldn’t mind his mountain rescue work.

  What the hell?

  He did not need to be thinking about marriage.

  It must be Leanne’s upcoming wedding on his mind.

  “Carly knows what goes on,” Porter said. “She climbs, and grew up with OMSAR. If she wants to know specifics, I tell her. But usually she doesn’t ask.”

  Bill double-checked the straps on his helmet. “Thanks.”

  “Why do you want to know?” Sean asked.

  Bill shrugged. “Something Grace said before I left.”

  Jake’s forehead furrowed. “The woman who’s staying at your house?”

  He nodded.

  Sean let loose several four-letter words that would make a sailor blush. “If you’re taking advantage of a woman, a widow, stuck in a difficult situation—”

  “Chill.” Bill raised his gloved hands. “We’re just...friends.”

  Friends who’d shared some hot kisses, but no one here needed to know that detail.

  Moreno made a noise that sounded like a half laugh, half snort. “I know what you do with your so-called friends.”

  Sean’s jaw hardened. “Keep your pants zipped with this one.”

  Bill laughed. “Interesting advice coming from a guy who left a trail of broken hearts until Zoe.”

  Porter grabbed Sean’s pack and held him back. “Don’t even think about it.”

  Hughes put his hands up. “You’re right. I was that kind of guy before.”

  “Me, too,” Jake admitted. “But once you meet that special woman, you change.”

  Hughes nodded. “You always say you don’t want to settle down, so why do you care?”

  “I don’t care.” Bill shouldn’t have opened his big mouth. “Just making conversation.”

  “Good. Your reputation is worse than ours was,” Moreno said. “Finding a woman to look past that won’t be easy.”

  The snowcat lumbered toward the lodge.

  Hughes opened the door. “Time to hit it, boys.”

  The frigid conditions smacked Bill in the face. The weather would make for a long day. If they didn’t find the climbers, a longer night. But whether the two subjects were yahoos or just unlucky, they would be rescued the same as anyone else. OMSAR folks might joke or tease or argue, but that kept the mood lighter on crappy days like today.

  The four of them crunched through the snow to where the snowcat rumbled, idling.

  Bill loaded his gear, then climbed inside, followed by the others.

  Sean Hughes squeezed in next to him. “Just giving you crap, Paulson. No hard feelings. But be careful. Women can be more beautiful and dangerous than a snow cornice.”

  Bill accepted the apology with a nod, but couldn’t stop thinking about what his friends had said about his reputation. Regret was heavy and unexpected as the snowcat plodded up the mountain.

  This was whacked. Bill shouldn’t care what Grace thought of him going through women so quickly. He needed to get his head on straight. He loved everything about mountain rescue and going out in the field.

  So why wasn’t he focused on the mission? Why was he thinking about Grace, as if she was more important?

  * * *

  Hours passed. Daylight faded. Grace played with Liam, anticipating the sound of the garage door being raised. She fixed dinner, listening to the radio for updates. She put Liam to bed, wondering if she should call Bill’s mom to see if she’d heard anything. He wouldn’t be stepping on IEDs, or caught in a firefight, but the mountain held its own dangers with the cold temperatures, shifting snow and darkness.

  Grace hate-hate-hated this icky feeling gnawing at her gut, turning her stomach into stone. Eating was difficult with no appetite. Sleeping, forget about it. Though Liam was fast asleep.

  She had to do something besides sit and worry.

  Grace paced the hallway, but that didn’t help lessen her anxiety. She checked the news again. The two climbers had been found and brought down, but she heard nothing about the status of the rescuers. Maybe cleaning would settle her nerves. She worked on the hall bathroom, then moved to the kitchen.

  She scrubbed the counter, glancing at the clock on the microwave oven. Five minutes had passed since the last time she’d looked. She’d believed time couldn’t go more slowly than it had during Damon’s deployments. She’d been wrong.

  When he’d been downrange, she’d never known what he was doing. A blessing, she realized. She had gone about her day with Liam, thinking, praying and worrying about Damon, sure. But that was different than waiting for Bill now.

  Something clicked, a noise from the far side of the dining area.

  She froze.

  The sound came from the laundry room. The door to the garage.

  Bill.

  Grace released the breath she’d been holding.

  Please be okay. Please be okay.

  He stepped out of the laundry room. His hair was a tangled mess, in need of a wash and a comb. His face was dirty, with a streak of dried blood from a scratch on his cheek.

  He’d never looked more gorgeous.

  Her heart sighed. “You’re home.”

  His tired eyes brightened. “I told you I’d be back, Gracie.”

  She nodded.

  Bill opened his arms. “Come here.”

  She ran to him, threw her arms around his wide shoulders, hugged him tight and kissed him. Hard.

  He tasted like salt and coffee. He smelled like a guy who’d spent the past ten hours climbing a mountain.

  Grace couldn’t get enough of him.

  But this was more than she could take. These long hours had reminded her of how much she could bear. In her heart, she knew this was as much a goodbye kiss as it was hello. She pulled away from him.

  Heroes were to be supported, honored, respected, whether on the front lines or first responders. But she couldn’t love one. Not again.

  He grinned. “That’s what I call a homecoming. Let me shower and then we can pick up where we left off.”

  “Eat, shower and go to bed.” She’d loved a hero once. She’d allowed his obligations for country, army and mission to come before her and their family. She’d put herself last and never said a word to him about how his priorities made her feel as a wife and mother. “You have to be exhausted.”

  “I’m good.” Bill traced her lips with his fingertip. “Your kiss gave me new energy.”

  He lowered his mouth to hers.

  She turned her head. “Let me heat you up dinner.”

  Grace headed to the kitchen. She liked Bill, appreciated his sense of humor, his kindness, his playfulness, but she had learned one thing watching him go off on his rescue mission. Her heart wasn’t up for loving this particular hero.

  No matter how wonderful he might be.

  Bill followed her. “I’d rather taste you.”

  He wasn’t making this easy. She removed the plate she’d made him from the fridge. “I’m happy you’re home. Safe.”

  “I’m happy you’re here. Safe.”

  Grace needed to make sure she remained safe. She placed the plate in the microwave, set the timer and hit Start. “I made a decision. About you and me.”

  He flashed her a charming, lop-sided grin. “Wasn’t the kiss your answer?”

  If only it could be... She took a steadying breath. “No.”

  “No to the kiss being the answer.”

  “No is my answer.”

  His face fell. “I don’t understand. I thought...”

  His obvious disappointment splintered her heart. “I was married to one hero. I can’t get involved with another.”

  With a tender look that thre
atened to do her in, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Forget about being involved. Let’s stick to kissing.”

  His lighthearted tone made it only worse. “We... I can’t.”

  He leaned against the counter. “I need a better explanation than ‘I can’t.’”

  She faced him. “Damon put his service first. Family was never his priority. I knew that going in, was okay with that, but I can’t get involved with another hero, even...casually.”

  “I’m not like Damon. Not at all.” Bill brushed his hand through his hair. “I’m not proud of this, but I use the word hero so I can pick up girls.”

  As if a guy as gorgeous needed any lines. His killer smile could bring a woman to her knees. “You’re still a hero. A firefighter and a mountain rescuer. You go when people need help.”

  “I’m doing my job. What I was trained to do.”

  “A hero is a hero. It’s in your DNA. You put yourself at risk for others. Like Damon.”

  “There are a few risks, but we take precautions. It’s not the same as being in combat. Damon was a patriot, one of the damn few out there willing to put his life on the line to preserve our way of life back home.”

  “What about when we needed him at home with us?”

  “I can’t tell you the number of times I thought the same thing about my dad. You made me remember something my mom told me. She said my father was working for us. That his job enabled us to stay in Hood Hamlet and live a good life.” Bill held Grace’s hand, his thumb stroking her skin. “You might not have felt like a priority, but did you ever think Damon was putting you first by fighting to protect you?”

  “No, I never thought that. He was about honor and serving a greater good. Duty over love.” Her throat tightened. She pulled her hand away. “I knew what he did was important, but I still felt neglected, like I didn’t matter. Then he reenlisted. Said his Rangers needed him. When Liam and I needed him.”

  The words spilled from her lips. Words bottled up for years. Words she avoided because they were selfish, but not untrue. “Why can I say these things to you when I couldn’t admit them to my husband?”

  “Maybe you would if he was here.”

  “That’s just it. I wouldn’t. We served in the army together. We played our roles. I won’t do that again.”